The No Shave Rules
Welcome to the home of the great annual event called "No-Shave-November" where guys and girls alike unite in the height of laziness agreeing to not shave their beards or legs (respectively) for the entire month of November.
After all, it is in the busiest part of the semester or work year, and you are the farthest behind on sleep, so why waste the time? Plus, it is cold enough to wear scarves or jeans (respectively) to cover that unsightly hair.
Everyone, young and old, male and female can participate in No-Shave-November by following this simple calendar of guide-lines. The festivities shall unfold thusly:
Nov 1:Razors are stowed, indifference ignited. Noshember begins.
Nov 1-7:The week of scratching that itch. Push yourself, control the desire to shave and relieve the itchiness.
First Wednesday:Itch hump day.
Nov 7:Day of Gnashing of Teeth.
Nov 14:Finally the men don't look ridiculous (boys may look rediculous).
Nov 14:Finally the women do look ridiculous.
Thanksgiving:Quoth Flan: "Moms and grandmothers just don't understand."
Nov 27:Finally the boys or follicularly-challenged do look ridiculous.
Nov 30:Photograph day. Take your best hair exhibiting celebration photos. You have truly completed something great.
Dec 1:Great festival of many razors, shaving commences.
Dec 2-24:Careful planning and shaping of your follicle resources grown and nurtured above your upper lip.
Dec 25:Mustache Christmas Morning. The subsequent greatest day of the year. Time to creep some people out.
Let the race begin!
Among No Shave November traditions, perhaps the strongest is the beard and/or leg hair contest (or armpits or whatever...be creative). Lets see who is the fullest, bushiest, and most natural after a month, and then join in a ritual corporate shoring of our hides!
No Shave November Matters!
Another very important Noshember tradition is the causes and charities world wide that it supports. Many of the worlds greatest Noshemberers and Noshember events of our time have been when the people rally around a great cause. Whether collecting funds throughout the month, or just raising awareness, be sure to check out some of the many important issues and charities supported by Noshemberers world wide.
The Council of Noshember met to decide some critical issues and questions that the peoples have been crying out.
Issue 1. The peoples cry out: "Can I keep my existing beard come the end of October and just start from there?"
Council's Decree: The goal of Noshember is not so much the contest or even the ritual shaving, but rather the shear laziness of being unkempt and rough together for an entire month. Let us not get bogged down in detail, but keep our eyes on the prize. Or prizes as it were. We're just glad to have you beard-keepers along for the ride.
Issue 3. The people's cry out: "Must I leave the chomo hair on my upper lip? It is unsightly and unfriendly."
Council's Decree: Again, the theme is laziness and unkemptness. If you are not ready for real laziness and unkepmtness, you can shave the stache, but remember, we encourage you to grow and improve in your slovenly ways. Sometimes sacrifices must be made for the cause.
As it was written: "Do not cut the hair at the sides of your head or clip off the edges of your beard." Leviticus 19:27
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Finally, a good reason (excuse?) to grow out that beard.